It seems to me that every time I make a call to a Vocations Director, I always become enthusiastic about joining a particular Order. When the time comes, however, when I have to step up to the plate and attend vocations events, I usually chicken out and say that I can’t go. I don’t know why I get cold feet so much or why it happens. I suppose that it could be many different things including a sign that I am taking things extremely fast when I should be researching.
There is an old saying that I’ve often heard used, “Do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today.” It seems important to me when I read or write about vocations. You can’t put off a vocation no matter how hard you try. It’s always there like the nose on your face and it’s not something that you can get rid of and forget about. Yes, God can take a vocation away and that does happen. I know my vocation to the religious life has been one that I have had for years and one that I have often thought about even when I wasn’t “called” to do anything specific.
Yet I still find myself in the situation of slamming on the proverbial breaks. As regular readers of the site know, I received an offer that I couldn’t refuse from the Franciscans. Today, though, I felt so unready for this experience that I started to wonder again if I was rushing headlong into something impulsively rather than thinking it over and deliberating about it until I could to some form of logical conclusion.
I concluded that I had rushed the process more than I should have. Also, I had not considered numerous other factors that would have hindered me from going to the retreat in the first place. I decided to consult several people about this quandary including non-Catholic friends whose knowledge of what religious vocations are varies.
From all but one, I received the consistent reply that I should go and experience this. Yet I was also told by the one dissenting friend that I should be honest and say that I wasn’t ready and needed more information. That’s exactly what I did.
On the one hand, this situation shows that I am still flying when I should be fighting to get in and that I should not have refused this opportunity. On the other hand, however, I do feel a need to discern more and to think about what I am actually doing. I need time to reflect, meet with a spiritual director, and get my life in order. Only then will I consider going to vocations events.
I know this news may come as a disappointment to some of you, but please do continue to pray for my discernment.
Our Lady of the Angels, pray for us!
St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us!
St. Robert Bellarmine, pray for us!